Tag Archives: writing

Birds and bees

He almost missed seeing her entirely when he arrived at the entrance to the botanical garden. He glanced about in despair, silently cursing his lateness, but then he saw her. She was crouched next to one of the perennial borders, intently studying a plant near the edge. He walked toward her and tried to look casual.

“Hi,” he ventured. She looked up and smiled, her eyes brightening in recognition before she waved him over.

“Come look.”

He dutifully crouched beside her.

“See all the aphids on this new growth?” She pointed to a number of tiny green bumps on matching green stems at the tip of a branch.

“Yeah,” he nodded, leaning closer and squinting.

“Now look here.” She raised a leaf with her fingertip and revealed what looked like a tiny black and orange accordion with six legs. “It’s a ladybug larva,” she explained. “They eat aphids, and they’re all over this plant.” He craned his neck to better see beneath the leaves. Now that he knew what to look for, he found them easily.

“Cool!” he blurted, a schoolboy grin on his face. She beamed back at him, and for a moment it seemed as though time had stopped.

He jumped to his feet suddenly and brushed imaginary dirt from his pant legs. “Shall we look at the rest of the garden?” he asked quickly. He could feel the color rising in his cheeks.

“Sure,” she replied and stood, surprised that she felt light-headed and breathless. She told herself it was because she had gotten up too quickly.

As they wandered through the garden, she touched leaves and stems, then raised her fingers to her face to breathe in the aromas that lingered on her skin. She buried her nose in flowers, sifted soil through her fingers, and pulled weeds. Disarmed by her unabashed enjoyment, he found himself sharing her delight. They spied on insects, discussed combinations of color, texture, and shape, and made up their own names for plants whose labels they couldn’t find.

After a while they settled on a shaded bench near one of the fountains. A mockingbird began singing somewhere above. Its song, sweetly piercing, wove an intricate counterpoint to the music of the falling water.

“The air smells delicious,” he sighed as he relaxed against the backrest. She inhaled deeply and nodded. The fragrances of countless blossoms, released by the heat of the sun, now hung in the late afternoon air. Their mingled effect was heady and hypnotic; even the bees seemed inebriated as they bumbled from flower to flower.

“You must have been a bee in a previous life,” he chuckled, noticing her heavy-lidded expression.

She smiled slowly and replied, “And you must have been a flower.”

This surprised him. “Really? What kind?”

She leaned close in a conspiratorial fashion and murmured, “The kind that bees find intoxicating.”

Their eyes met, and time truly did stop for a good, long while.

(This week’s Red Dress Club prompt: Let’s get all steamy up in here and write about sex. But you know us. There’s a twist. You can’t write about the act. There are so many other possibilities; have fun finding them. Limit is 600 words. It can be fiction or non-fiction.)

Let your life surprise you!

To jump-start my writing again, I decided to use an exercise I recall from Barbara DeMarco-Barrett’s wonderful writing book, Pen on Fire. I got the book a few years ago to help me develop a habit of writing, and it went fabulously until I hit a major depressive episode and my life went off the rails. But that’s another story.

The exercise is to use a picture postcard as writing prompt/inspiration. (I’d cite chapter and verse, but I can’t lay my hands on the book at the moment.) Not having a stack of picture postcards handy, I decided my collection of tarot card decks might work just as well.

The last few days I’ve been using the Kitty Kahane tarot, a cartoonish sort of deck with a simple but unusual color scheme. Today I turned up the Wheel of Fortune card, and writing about it led me to some interesting insights.

The Wheel of Fortune card bears certain resemblances to the The World card. Both belong to the Major Arcana, a series of 22 cards that stand for major forces that act in our lives.  The Wheel of Fortune is the eleventh card in this series, and The World is the twenty-second, so it’s not too much of a stretch to imagine they might be related.

From the Kitty Kahane Tarot

In the corners of the card stand the four symbols of the evangelists. The eight spokes of the wheel might be seen to correspond to the four quarters and four cross-quarters of the year. The hand on the right side of the wheel could be either stopping the movement of the wheel or preparing to spin it. The sphinx on top of the wheel represents wisdom; the sword she holds represents choice and decision. The snake can be a symbol of temptation, though it is also a symbol of renewal and healing. (It almost seems to be tickling the demon’s rear end with its tongue, which makes me laugh.) In bearing the wheel, the demon at the bottom might be serving out some kind of punishment.

The visual movement in the image is from the right, through the hand up to the top of the wheel, where wisdom presides, slithering down the left side with the serpent, to the belaboring demon below. The bad news, no doubt, is that this is the normal progression of things: we start out knowing what we’re about, but succumb to temptation and soon find ourselves toiling beneath the weight of our choices and their consequences. The good news is that the wheel keeps turning. Whether the hand on the wheel is our own or that of the Divine, the wheel has the potential to bring us up again to the top, hopefully the wiser for our experience at the bottom.

The booklet that accompanies the deck has this to say about the card: Much that happens to you is beyond your control. Let your life surprise you!

I rather like thinking about it that way.

(Kitty Kahane Tarot by Kitty Kahane, text by Lilo Schwarz, translated by Charles Warcup, AGMueller Urania, 2006.)

Facing facts

Today is the first day of NaNoWriMo 2010 — National Novel Writing Month, although it is quite the international movement at this point. The idea is to complete the draft of a novel by the end of November: 50,000 words in 30 days. It’s fun, it’s insane…and it works. I’ve wanted to take part ever since I found out about it, but certain inconvenient facts stand in the way:

Fact 1: I work in short media/genres.

I’m a short-work writer: poetry, flash fiction, blurbs, reviews, letters. I don’t think I even have anything novel-length in me. That’s why blogging appeals to me and actually sort of works for me: it’s perfectly structured for shorter pieces. But even then I have difficulty showing up at times.

Fact 2: I work as an editor/proofreader.

That uses the same parts of my brain as writing. Today, for example, I easily wrote the daily NaNoWriMo target number of words (about 1600, as I recall) in comments, corrections, suggestions, and correspondence with clients. The written language portion of my brain is pretty tired right now. I love what I do, and my clients seem to love it, too; I don’t resent or regret that my work on other people’s writing makes it very difficult to work on my own writing. But it is a factor that affects my identity as a writer and my ability to pursue writing as an activity (let alone as a career).

So there they are, the facts that face me on this first day of one of the coolest celebrations of writing ever devised. I have to remember that I am a part of it; my part just comes after the drafting stage, and sometimes not until right before publication. And for right now, at this time and place in my life, that will have to suffice.

I somehow think it will.

Lazy Friday blog post: “Stuff about me” quiz

Seeing as this is Friday, and I am lazy AND running late, I decided to take a short-cut. I hope it is at least mildly entertaining.

A Facebook friend “tagged” me with the following, but since I have no idea what that means or what to do with it, I decided to copy the quiz and use it for a blog post. I may not be tech-savvy, but I’m resourceful!

Please feel free to do the same. If you do so and want me to read it, just leave a comment to let me know where to find it. Have a great Friday!

1. What time did you get up this morning? Alarm went off at 5:45 a.m. Feet hit the floor ten minutes later.

2. How do you like your steak? Medium. Pink in the middle is nice.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Toy Story 3 at the dollar movies. (I don’t get out much.)

4. What is your favorite TV show? Don’t watch TV.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Someplace where I didn’t need a car.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Smoothie made with strawberries, hemp milk, whey protein, and flax seed oil. Yum!

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Malaysian, because it incorporates elements of so many other delectable cuisines.

8. What foods do you dislike? Too salty and too sweet.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Gunan Tahan, Malaysian restaurant in Amity CT that is no more. Alas!

10. Favorite dressing? My friend Dawn’s homemade Italian.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Toyota minivan with automatic sliding door on passenger side.

12. What are your favorite clothes? Loose and flowing, like robes or muu-muus.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Anywhere extraterrestrial

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? By definition it has to be both (I’m a double Libra, after all), but the empty half isn’t really of much use now, is it?

15. Where would you want to retire? Somewhere that I didn’t need a car.

16. Favorite time of day? Evening/late night (10 p.m. to 2:00 a.m. is my peak time.)

17. Favorite Season? Autumn

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Baseball

19. Who do you think will not tag you back? What is this “tag” of which you speak?

20. Person you expect to tag you back first? Again I ask, what is “tag”?

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? I’ll be thrilled to death if anyone even READS it.

22. Bird watcher? When they are in my field of vision, yes.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Isn’t that covered in #16?

24. Do you have any pets? Two cats: one middle-aged and very sweet, one young and very stupid.

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share? I’ve been nominated for the Nobel prize in bulls**ting.

26. What did you want to be when you were little? First a doctor, then a pilot, then an astronaut. Didn’t follow through on that too well, did I?

27. What is your best childhood memory? My relationships with trees, the big maple in the back yard and the ancient juniper at church camp in particular.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? Yes.

29. Are you married? Yes. (Is it just me, or are some of these questions pretty uninteresting?)

30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes, and my car doesn’t move until everyone else is wearing theirs as well.

31. Been in a car accident? A couple: one very traumatic in childhood, though no one was hurt, and one minor fender-bender (literally) in adulthood. I was not driving in either case.

32. Any pet peeves? “all about me” quizzes that ask stupid and uninteresting questions.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Anything but anchovies, though I’m rather partial to a white pie with fresh tomato, fresh basil, and garlic.

34. Favorite Flower? Whatever is blooming where I am. In my garden right now that would be marigolds, mums, Verbena bonariensis, hyacinth bean, and roses.

35. Favorite Hobby(ies)? Reading, crocheting, writing, cooking, eating, talking.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Chipotle

37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? Zero

38. From whom did you get your last email? I believe it was from a gentleman in West Africa who wanted to confirm my contact information so he could send me my inheritance.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Joseph-Beth Bookstore

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Decided to answer this quiz

41. Like your job? The question is missing a subject and quite possibly a verb.

42. What’s your eye color? Gray/green with flecks of orange when I’m angry, or so my sisters tell me.

43. What was your favorite vacation? The time we went to Vail and I got to hike and read all day and we slept with the French doors wide open all night because there are no mosquitoes at that altitude.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? We all dragged our sorry tails to KFC buffet last night because everyone was too tired to cook. Does that count?

45. What are you listening to right now? My great-grandparents’ clock ticking in the living room and the distant roar of the interstate.

46. What is your favorite color? Periwinkle blue. The color of cornflowers (chicory)

47. How many tattoos do you have? Zero

49. What time did you finish this quiz? 9:17 a.m.

50. Coffee Drinker? Only socially.

And now, for something completely atrocious…

My sister recently returned to me something I didn’t even know I had lost: the typed manuscript of the very first piece of serious creative writing I ever did. She had found it between the pages of an old piano lesson book, one of the John W. Shaum series my sisters and I all used when we studied piano several decades ago.

I must have passed the typed copy around my family for editing because it bears two typo corrections in my sister’s distinctively round handwriting and one very faint pencil marking in a fluid hand that can only belong to my mother. I don’t recall when I wrote the story, but, judging from the way it was typed, it must have been before I took Ms. Klein’s typing class in 10th grade. I would guess I was around 13 years old, after I had fallen in love with Poe and immersed myself in literature of the macabre and related genres.

As cliche-ridden and over-wrought as it is, I feel an urge to acknowledge it as my first serious attempt at writing fiction. No self-respecting publication would ever touch it (nor would I ask such a thing) but my blog, not being all that respectable, seems like a reasonable venue in which to present it. So here it is, without modification, for your amusement.

Hell Itself

She opened her eyes suddenly, not knowing what had awakened her. There it was again. Oppression. Evil. The weight of evil in the room.

She turned her head. It was late at night and the room was dark. But there, at the foot of the bed, was an even deeper Darkness. It moved slowly, slowly closer to her.

Coward, she thought. Coming in the night while I’m asleep. That’s Its way, all right. Getting Its victims in their sleep. Sniveling coward.

It perceived these thoughts and shrank back. See, It cringes at my criticism. The yellow pole-cat. At these thoughts, It leaned forward, snarling.

The sound was as the moan of tortured souls. The breath that drifted to her was putrid, reeking of decay and horror. A breath of air from Hell itself.

“You blind slave of evil. I am not afraid of you. I know that even you cannot harm me unless I fear. I don’t fear even your master and his domain.”

A horrid sound came from It, a sound like distorted and cruelly tortured laughter. It screamed, “Enter, foolish mortal, and BEWARE!!!” Again the hideous laughter. Then a great red chasm opened in It.

She sat up, but hesitated.

“What!” the voice shrieked, “you fear?!”

“No! I fear you not!” With this, she stepped into the cavernous hole.

Instantly she was caught up in a swirl of flames, heat, and smoke. She was hurled back and forth in this cyclone column of fire, knowing not in what direction or for how long. Finally, she was flung onto a ledge of black rock, the fiery pillar still roaring as far up and down as she could see.

As her eyes adjusted, she realized that she was lying in the mouth of a large cave. The rock was an unfamiliar type: hard, smooth, and cool, in spite of the swirling holocaust at its entrance.

She stood and walked farther in, through a winding passage. Gradually, so slowly that she didn’t notice, it got darker and darker. She realized with a start that she couldn’t see anything. Still she walked onward.

She began to hear a low murmur. As she walked on, the murmur became more distinct–it was no longer a rumble but individual cries of pain, fear, and anger.

She turned a corner in the passage and stopped just in time avoid plunging down a sheer cliff. Before her was a huge cavern filled with glowing, spectral faces. Each face had a look of such sorrow, pain, and anguish that she recoiled in horror.

But the moans of the tormented were not the only sounds in the chamber. As she looked, she could see winged creatures of fire hovering over the souls, lashing them with whips of ice.

As they struck the souls, they screamed in ecstasy. They lived for the sole purpose of inflicting pain on those unfortunate enough to be under them.

At every cry of pain, they lashed all the harder. There was a huge creature whose color was a morbid green. He was so large, she could see his vile yellow eyes.

And oh! such eyes! She abhorred them from the start. Her horror was so great upon setting her glance on him that she shrank back, hoping to hide herself from his piercing gaze in a depression in the wall.

Suddenly, even as she quailed there, the creature saw her, and shrieked his anger that a mortal should enter his region and not be punished. The horrible sound echoed until the rock trembled with it.

He leaped from his rock, and the others left their posts to join him. They flew, screaming, to the tunnel entrance. Horrified,she began running back into the passage.

None can imagine the terror of one being pursued through a cave by the demons of Hell. The echoing cries, the darkness ahead, the blundering into walls.

She came to the lip of the tunnel, with the swirling inferno before her. Without hesitation, she leapt into it. Once again she was thrown round in a flood of heat, smoke, and fire. On and on, around and around, in an endless circle.

She found herself on her bed, the bedclothes entwined about her, saturated with sweat. She sighed in relief, and lay there for a moment. She then realized that It was still there, strangely silent and unmoving.”Well, I’m still alive,” she gasped. It only sighed a breath of all-too-familiar air.

There was no tortured laughter, no screaming voices to mar the silence of the night. But It was moving, changing. The Darkness swirled slowly into a shape. A horrible shape with wings, sickly yellow eyes, and green flesh.

She screamed and tried to back through the wall. Those yellow eyes glowed, and the thing shrieked with fiendish delight. She shrank back, her eyes wild with fright, her mouth open with an eternal cry.

The creature leaned forward, screaming, with a hideous grin on its livid face. Then slowly, it raised its icy whip as if to strike….

The next day, she was found pressed against the wall, her eyes riveted to one spot in the room. Her mouth was open as if screaming, and her face was twisted with a look of uttermost horror. Upon finding her body, the constable in charge of the investigation commented, “She looks as if she’d seen Hell itself.”

Shark dreams

Dim torpedo shapes glide
at the murky edges of perception
in ceaseless motion, seeking
food and oxygen
to fuel the cold fires of flesh
their mouths bristle
with triple-pointed teeth they shed
lightly as the night sky drops stars
into the ocean

Tonight I want to be the shark
drawn by vibrations of ideas in the darker deep
nostrils filled with their essence, I rend form
and structure, brilliant words
tumble from my mouth easily
as shark teeth
as stars
grace the sand

Silver linings

The last couple of weeks have been pretty monumental, in a lifetime landmark kind of way, even though they have unfolded somewhat uneventfully.

Two weeks ago, my eldest child completed his thirteenth trip around the sun on this planet. I am now the parent of a teenager, and I will be for the next nine and one-half years (the youngest won’t exit her teens until 2020 — ye gods, what a scary date!) For some mysterious reason, this milestone wasn’t quite as hard on me as the completion of his twelfth circuit last year; maybe it’s because he grew more than a foot in height during the past year, his shoes became large enough to double as lifeboats, and his voice changed. Dramatically. (We think he will end up singing bass.) The actual birthday had an afterthought-like quality to it: “Oh, and by the way, you are now the parent of a man-child.” No kidding! Have you seen my grocery bill?

That same week, my youngest went to sleep-away camp for the first time. Mind you, the eldest didn’t do that until about a month before, so for the ten-year-old to be ready for something like that is a Big Deal. (If you know them, however, you also know that it’s not surprising given their respective personalities.)

And today is the First Day of School, the first day of the last year in which I will have a child in elementary school. My SO helpfully reminded me of this while we were lying in bed trying to get our brains around the reality of once again getting up every morning at 6:00 a.m. I don’t know if he intended to be helpful or if he was wrestling with the concept himself and simply spoke his thoughts aloud. Clearly the notion caught my attention and triggered all sorts of other thoughts. And with my newly-restored hours of peace and quiet, those thoughts congealed enough to become this post.

Maybe this won’t be so weird or difficult after all.

Too much

“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” — Mae West

As I wandered the aisles of a large chain bookstore the other day, I experienced a growing sense of unease. I paused between the Philosophy and the New Age Spirituality sections and sought to put my finger on the cause. A few minutes later I murmured, “There are too many books in the world.” Even as one part of my mind reeled in astonishment, I looked about me, nodded my head, and repeated, “There are too many books in the world.”

Coming from a hopeless bibliophile and former aspiring writer, this is nothing less than shocking. Stranger still, my profound love of both reading and writing has led me to this uncomfortable conviction. There are not enough days left to me in this life, nor hours in those days, to read all the books currently in print that I want to read. Likewise, such a surfeit (dare I say glut?) of books makes it extremely unlikely that anything written by me will ever find it’s way into print, let alone to a retailer’s shelf. These twin realizations sank in like fangs, the venom of their import so debilitating that I had to leave the bookstore at once. I may not be able to go back.

I have long been a great fan of Mae West, and the quote at the top of this posting is one I have claimed at times as a personal motto. Now I find myself sadly and reluctantly amending it to fit my present state: Too much of a good thing can be simply too much for me.

Silence and comfort

I’ve not been writing much of late; I’ve been too lost in a life turned suddenly labyrinthine and well-nigh impenetrable. A couple poems have wrenched their way out, but with such great effort that the results seem pale and feeble. So I have sat in wordless darkness, waiting.

When you are still enough, silence becomes palpable. It becomes something you can feel, a physical pressure against the skin. Stranger yet, you can actually even hear it. I have finally been still enough for long enough to begin feeling and listening my way out of the labyrinth. And now the words are coming back, but in unexpected ways.

I’ve begun writing again, in halting bursts, in a black-and-white school composition notebook, in pen. I suppose it’s the writing equivalent of comfort food, harkening back to earlier times and simpler pleasures. Not all such memories are happy, but that doesn’t appear to matter. It seems there are some things I cannot say through a keyboard and the crisp legibility of Times Roman.

Blathering on

Despite the fact that I’ve been diligently microblogging for several days now, I feel as though I have been terribly negligent of my Daily Compost duties. Never mind that I’ve had bronchitis, a child with H1N1,* and an ongoing mental health crisis — wait, that last bit is standard operating procedure by now — I still feel that I’ve let down the three people who check this blog every now and then.

So here I am today, blathering on. I’ve half a mind not to post this just because it seems so trivial, but I suspect that the nagging sense of guilt and responsibility will triumph in the end. I HAVE been busy doing things, even writerly things; I just haven’t been busy posting to my blog.

I’ve been reading: Acedia and Me by Kathleen Norris; The Two Marys by Sylvia Brown; Tall Dark Stranger by Corrine Kenner; Writer Mama by Christina Katz. I’ve also been taking an online course that has required me to do a fair amount of research, so I’ve been taking lots of notes. (I take a lot of notes when I read, too, even fiction: I like to jot down turns of phrase, images, and words that catch my eye.) I’ve been fretting over a review of Star Trek (2009) that I started right after I first saw it back in May; it’s taken me a while to get my thoughts together, and now I fear it’s too late to be relevant.

What else…I’ve started baking bread again now that the weather has turned cool. I’ve kind of let the garden go because everything is so riotously large and wild looking that the weeds are hardly noticeable. (This is a very bad idea, by the way, because huge quantities of seeds are being produced RIGHT NOW by those same weeds. DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!) I remind people daily of their chores and responsibilities, make sure that everyone gets where they’re supposed to go with the materials and supplies they’re supposed to have — library books, lunches, clarinets, etc.

All in all, I’m just cruisin’ through the daily round of things. I guess the rhythm of it has had a hypnotic effect on me, lulling me into becoming a non-blogging zombie. Interestingly enough, just writing this post has given me all kinds of ideas for future postings. I just hope I can remember them when I sit down at the computer tomorrow.

*Probable. They stopped testing around here when the CDC placed Kentucky in the “widespread” infection category.