NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) may be over, but I’m still in a writing groove. This is the second draft of a poem I wrote a couple weeks ago; I’d love to have hear your responses or suggestions.
Stars
he said he would die
for the stars in her eyes
too young to know what
a slow death it would be
death by taxes and bills
ten-hour workdays and one
a.m. feedings death by weddings
funerals and family reunions
emptied through that lengthy
dying we call life
his last breath is a prayer
for the stars in her eyes
(If you like to work from specifics, how does the space in the third line of the second stanza work? I originally had a semi-colon; do you think that would be better?)
The Daily Compost 